(This post makes it a chazaqah of sharing these “Tefillah Thoughts”, thoughts that have become central parts of my own davening. Shorter in format than other posts have been. Not all of them are well-founded. Just sharing ideas that have become important and meaningful to me as I say the words in the Siddur. You can decide for yourself if they add meaning to your own davening, or if you just aren’t as convinced as I am.)

Until now this series looked at Birkhas Avos, the first berakhah of Shemoneh Esrei. This post will get there too, but first a detour into the Admidah for Shabbos and Yom Tov.

קַדְּשֵׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתֶיךָ / וְתֵן חֶלְקֵנוּ בְּתוֹרָתֶךָ
שַׂבְּעֵנוּ מִטּוּבֶךָ / וְשַׂמְּחֵנוּ בִּישׁוּעָתֶךָ

… sanctify us through Your mitzvos / and give us our portion in Your Torah
satisfy us with Your Good / and makes us happy through Your redemption.

Tangent: Note the change of prepositional prefix. When it comes to Hashem’s Torah, mitzvos, and salvation, the preposition is -ב, meaning via or in. But when it comes to Hashem’s Good, the preposition is -מ, in. We are asking for more mitzvos, more Torah and more salvation so that we can get more holiness, a bigger portion in life, and more happiness. But when it comes to His Good, we aren’t asking for more good as a means to get satisfied, but directly asking for more satisfaction. I think the reason is that we cannot ask for more Divine Good; Hashem isn’t holding back any. Even if at times that Good is in ways we don’t feel. What we are saying is:

“Hashem, give us more sanctity by leading me to more mitvos, give us our full portion in life through making Your Torah more available. Make us satisfied — by not by using Your Good to do so, but satisfaction with the Good that’s already there, and make us happy by providing more redemption.

But back to my originally intended topic…

There is something of a conflict between Tuvekha – Your Good, and Yeshu’asekha – Your salvation. If everything were going well, we wouldn’t need saving.

We see the same dichotomy repeatedly in Birkhas Avos:

• “Hashem Elokeinu” – we go from the name that the Torah uses when G-d appears to be acting from Compassion, to the name used when it looks like He is coming from strict Justice.
• “HaGadol vehaGibbor — the Great and the Strong” – where Gadol talks about Hashem’s Omnipresence, (literally: the Large) and gevurah refers to the strength to hold steadfast. Available vs. Restraint.
• “Gomeil Chassadim Tovim veQoneih haKol“, “Who supports us with instances of Lovingkindness that are good”, and yet, the Gra explains the second half as “and the Repairer of everything.” Qoneih is the Maker and consequently the Owner, but the same root is used for letaqein, to fix. Which, is, after all, a kind of re-making, and the owner’s responsibility. Think of “lesaqein olam“.
• “Ozeir uMoshia — Helper and Savior” — but if Hashem were helping us to begin with, how do we end up in a mess that requires our being bailed out?

I think the key is in “Chassadim Tovim – good instances of Lovingkindness”? When is lovingkindness not good? When it smothers. The role of gevurah is to stand back and give the other person room to be. Gevurah is the parent who holds back from holding their toddler’s hand. Even though it means they will likely land on their bum a few times. Because it is the only way they’ll ever learn to walk on their own.

Because sometimes letting the other get into a mess once in a while is the only way that person gets to be a person, a contributor to the welfare of the universe, rather than your puppet.

And so, the Creator as Elokim, the G-d of Justice, of setting up the rules by which the universe operates and the rules which we ought to follow, is a more subtle expression of G-d as Hashem, the Compassionate. The G-d who is Gadol enough to always be around, but Gibbor enough not to force it. Helping and Saving.

And we need both Tuvekha and Yeshu’asekha — a balance of receiving His Good and of being a doer who can mess up, and needs saving. Because that too is a good we can get.

In real life, personalizing this philosophizing a bit, there are the good times and the bad, the times I can feel thankful for Hashem’s Good and times I pray for His Help. And I need to be able to turn to Him in both circumstances, not forgetting Who enabled things to go well, and not despairing of His assistance when things look bleak.

Birkhas Avos, with that theme of the various kinds of relationship with G-d our Avos modeled for us, shows the complexity and multiple aspects of the relationship on this axis as well.